so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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