Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
