She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
