Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
