You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
