I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
