oh god the rape fog is back!
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
