Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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