Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
