people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
