Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
