I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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