Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
