Me. At least after what I've been through.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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