You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
