Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
