I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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