you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
