We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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