Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
