Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
