And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
