I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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