Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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