dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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