I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
