I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
