I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
