Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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