I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
