it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
