She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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