just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
