So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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