My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
