took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
