that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
