There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
