Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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