It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just want nice things and good sex
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
