do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
