My friends, they love my intelligence
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
