shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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