Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
