I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
