lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
