i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
