Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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