and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
