My hand turned me down
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
