I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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